I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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