he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
