Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
