im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
