She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The air taste purple.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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