she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
