how hairy? two words: wookie tits
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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