mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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