Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You were trust falling into bushes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
