i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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