sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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