remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
