i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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