So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
