im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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