her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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