Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
