turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
