I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
