why didn't you poke me back
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
