Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
