i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We don't watch enough power rangers
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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