she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
