this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
