I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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