I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
