Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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