Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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