Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
