We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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