you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
