We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
