so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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