Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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