It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
