I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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