I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
