Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
