I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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