i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
