Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
