Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
