1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
