Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
