Betty ford says i'm here all night
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
