How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
