i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
