I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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