yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
