Me. At least after what I've been through.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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