I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
