Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
