I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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