i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize