I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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