Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
