it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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