3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
