Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
