Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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