i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
