That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
