you traded sex for a burrito?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
