I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
