he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
