Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
