It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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