Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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