Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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