Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
