I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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