I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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