she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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