The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
