You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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