i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
