Say something about gay babies.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize